Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Just Cause I'm Short dont mean I dont shred!

Stories of an 8'4 Mini Light Weight Pintail, and his buddy the 8'6 Silver Spoon and their struggles of being short.

What is a short person long board?

In the competitive world of height, Mini Longboards stand at the top of the trade in first place.

The issue of height might be a rather sensitive one, but this is not true towards the family of Surfboards. Being called short is not a matter of insult towards these people. As a matter of fact, these people actually consider being called short the equivalent to honouring their race.

The influence of Mini Long Boards have spread so much over the years that even Oxford has agreed that Mini's are to share the same spot in the thesaurus as the ‘short person‘.

How does one tell if another longboard is short?

One can tell a mini longboard apart from an average longboard by simply visiting a local bar and paying particular attention to the lady with the palest skin. It has been scientifically proven that Mini longboards are attracted to pale women. Therefore any board standing close to the pale woman should be automatically considered short.
However, there are other ways for one to differentiate a short person from the crowd. As a general rule, one is deemed short if he or she coincides with any of the following:

  • Has low self esteem
  • Strongly attracted to Goths/Ghosts
  • Masochists; It is an exotic sight to be able to see a short person not being bullied
  • Usually seen being kidnapped and/or held hostage

That’s not all. There are still unsolved mysteries about mini longboards that we cannot even begin to imagine. The difference in height changes our perception of the world entirely.

How does one grow taller?

When we talk about height, what immediately comes to mind are the giraffes. Giraffes are the tallest animals in the world. Why are the giraffes so tall then? It’s all in their method of giving birth, ergo it is only natural for us to follow their example in giving birth.

Giraffes are known to give birth in a standing position and have their calf fall from a height of 2m. This is the obvious reason for the giraffes’ height. Likewise, we should shape boards from a specific height, but why stop at 2m? With advancements in technology and high-rise buildings, we humans can take it to a whole different level. Shape your boards from the 10th story and then drop it off the roof from that height. At this rate, your board will be tall in no time!

What should one do when one encounters a Mini Longboard?

In the event a wild Mini appears when one is walking in the tall grass, one has to remain composed. Remember: Mini Longboards will not attack unless provoked.

Engage the Mini Longboard in a staring contest until it sleeps before throwing pokeballs at the short person. Patience is the key.